Dating a Friend’s Ex

Dating a Friend’s Ex

Dating a Friend’s ExSometimes it is so hard to find someone to connect with. When you’re single, it seems like everyone else isn’t. As you get into your late 20’s and early 30’s, most of your friends get married and those who aren’t have long standing relationships. Holidays like Valentines Day come and go and yet you still have nobody special in your life.Although singles groups and internet dating can be great ways to meet people, you don’t always want to force things to happen. Why is it that everybody else you know can meet people easy? Going to a singles outing to purposely try to meet someone seems so unnatural. There’s no romance or love at first sight or anything else you normally read about in regards to finding your soul mate.

What if you found someone you connected with but they happened to be your friends ex? Is it acceptable to go forward with that relationship? I guess it all depends on the circumstance. But, it has happened to me. I was so tired of clubs, bars, and singles events.

One of my best friends remained friends with an ex she had a long standing relationship with. She moved on and was currently in a new relationship. On occasion, her ex would come out on the weekend and I started to get to know him better. Although we talked a bit when they were dating, I really got to know him better and I started to develop a crush. I caught him flirting with me from time to time so I began to notice he felt the same way about me.

It was more than just a physical attraction. We exchanged phone numbers and started having long phone conversations that went on for hours. We talked about our lives, goals, families and almost anything you can think of. I had great respect for him and we both shared the same vision for the road ahead. He first approached me about going out for coffee. I agreed and the relationship blossomed from there.

It was tricky at first because we were dating in absolute secrecy, always afraid we’d run into the wrong person who would rat us out. The only stumbling block we had was telling my friend. We didn’t know whether we should just come right out and tell her or we should ask her first how she felt about it. I decided it was better if we just be straight forward and come clean with it. I invited her to my house for lunch to break the news.

I was real nervous about it and felt uncomfortable as soon as she came over. I barely had her in the door before I sat her down. I knew that if this didn’t work out that I could lose her as a friend forever. I also didn’t want her to think I had eyes for him when they were dating. She seemed confused at first when I did tell her. I’m sure in the back of her mind she wondered if I had my eye on him when they were a couple.

I assured her that this was something that just sort of happened. I think she was more concerned with what other people might think of this situation than what she thought. I was surprised at how well she took the news although she did seem a little aloof the rest of the day. After a few weeks, I started hearing from her less. I definitely felt it had to do with this but she told me it was because she had been busy.

We still remain friends but aren’t nearly as close as we used to be. But that’s the price I paid for getting involved with her ex. I bet most times it doesn’t work out quite as well as it did for me. Honestly, I don’t know if I would be happy if I was on the other side of things myself. My advice to anyone considering dating a friend’s ex is to carefully think about it and what the outcome and consequences might be.